It is hard to decide whether AS.Monaco.27 actually showed up to the pitch or if they simply sent a collection of training cones to represent the club. With zero shots—on or off target—throughout the entire ninety minutes, the Monegasque squad turned this match into a masterclass in invisibility. Meanwhile, Fc Bayern treated the game like a casual Sunday stroll, opening the scoring as early as the 12th minute via a penalty that felt less like a tactical masterstroke and more like a mercy killing. 👻

The dominance of Fc Bayern was absolute, though they did manage to make things slightly messy for themselves. Despite having the ball glued to their boots, they collected a yellow card in the 65th minute after a clumsy challenge and eventually suffered an injury in the 87th minute, proving that even a team playing against thin air can find a way to hurt themselves. Their second goal in the 70th minute was merely the final nail in the coffin of a match that lacked any semblance of a contest.

By the time the final whistle blew, AS.Monaco.27 had committed a grand total of two fouls, likely out of sheer frustration at being unable to touch the ball. Fc Bayern walks away with a comfortable 0-2 victory, having faced more resistance from their own medical staff than from their opponents. If this is what passes for a championship match, we might as well start handing out the trophies at the front gate and spare us the ninety minutes of boredom. 😴