What we witnessed today was less of a football match and more of a public service announcement on the importance of learning how to kick a ball. AS Saint-Etienne arrived on the pitch looking like titans, while yves cfc seemed to have mistaken the stadium for a scenic walking tour. The disaster started early when AS Saint-Etienne buried their first goal at the 4th minute, setting the tone for a brutal afternoon. By the time the final whistle blew, yves cfc had managed zero shots on target and two fouls—which, frankly, were likely just desperate attempts to stop the opponent from making them look any worse than they already did. 🤡

The statistics tell a story of pure, unadulterated dominance. While AS Saint-Etienne peppered the goal with 8 shots on target and displayed the clinical precision of a surgeon, yves cfc spent their time jogging aimlessly and committing fouls at the 12th and 31st minutes. It is hard to describe the sheer audacity of yves cfc attempting a single shot off-target at the 25th minute; it was arguably the most entertaining moment of comedy in the entire ninety minutes. Meanwhile, AS Saint-Etienne cruised through the game without conceding a single foul, proving that you don't need to play dirty when your opponent is already busy digging their own grave.

The scoreboard tells the grim tale: 0-5. After the initial breakthrough, AS Saint-Etienne added insult to injury with goals at the 43rd, 49th, 58th, and 86th minutes. It was a masterclass in efficiency for the victors and a masterclass in how to disappear from professional sports for yves cfc. As the final minutes ticked away, AS Saint-Etienne were still firing shots on target at the 88th minute, clearly hungry for more, while the players of yves cfc were likely already Googling new career paths. A truly embarrassing day for the losing side, and a stroll in the park for the green machine. ⚽🔥