What we witnessed today at the stadium was less of a football match and more of a public execution. Servette decided that FC Sakaz were not opponents, but rather a collection of training mannequins that happen to wear jerseys. With 13 shots on target and a relentless barrage of 20 total attempts, Servette turned the pitch into their personal playground. Meanwhile, the visitors from FC Sakaz seemed to have forgotten that the objective of the game is to actually touch the ball; they finished the evening with zero shots of any kind, proving that their primary strategy was to simply exist in the vicinity of the grass. ⚽

The first half was a comedy of errors, with Servette warming up their engines and missing the mark a few times, perhaps out of pity. But once the clock hit 48 minutes, the dam broke. The floodgates opened wide, and FC Sakaz could only watch in despair as the ball hit the net nine times. It was a clinic in corner-kick efficiency, with three goals coming directly from set-pieces that the FC Sakaz defense defended with all the intensity of a group of tourists waiting for a bus.

The only moment of "drama" came in the 80th minute when Servette committed a foul, resulting in a yellow card—likely just to prove they were still human and not, in fact, a squad of programmed robots. FC Sakaz managed to commit three fouls of their own, which was honestly their most impressive contribution to the entire ninety minutes. As the final whistle blew at 9-0, one could only feel a strange sort of sympathy for the visitors, who will surely need a long bus ride home to contemplate their existence. A total demolition job that will haunt the nightmares of FC Sakaz for seasons to come. 🤡